Death, sex, divorce … these are just a few of the topics that often stump parents when children ask about them. When tough topics come up on the news or at school, children come to us for reassurance and explanation. How we respond depends on a number of things, including the age of our children, their emotional maturity, and what they already know about the topic.
Recently, the news of the officer-involved shooting in Madison, which resulted in the death of a young man, is dominating the news in Wisconsin. Even if your children have been shielded from news of this incident at home, they may be hearing about it at school. Also, children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They see it in our faces and hear it in our voices when we are concerned or frightened or angry.
Here are some tips from PBS KIDS and The Fred Rogers Company about talking with your kids.
First, begin with a simple, open-ended question such as, “What have you heard?” Even if children don’t mention what they’ve seen or heard in the news or from friends, it can help to ask what they think has happened. By asking what they know, you may be able to clear up misinformation or confusion about the incident.
Second, keep your answers simple and age appropriate. According to PBS KIDS Parents, “Young children are mostly worried about whether they will be safe and if the people they love will be all right. Older children will share these concerns but have more specific questions. For example, in the case of an event like Sandy Hook, you could reassure a younger child that their school is safe and that this happened many miles away. However an older child might need a more detailed description in order to be reassured. They might want to find out exactly what happened and understand why a student would commit such a violent act. They may also relate this event specifically to his own school and talk about other kids he knows and the security systems in place.”
Third, give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling together with a favorite book. News stories like this often make children feel insecure and fearful of their own safety. Physical comfort goes a long way toward providing inner security.
Fourth, let your children know if you’re going to be proactive on the issue. If it is age appropriate, let your child know if you’re making a donation, going to a town meeting, writing a letter or email of support, or taking some other action. It can help children to know that adults take many different active roles and that we don’t give in to helplessness in times of crisis.
